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Kathy Martens

Love is better. Pass it on.

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You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Bucket

The Trinity

A few months ago I sat by the river and had a lovely lunch with one of my dearest, most funnest, supremely wisest and wackiest of friends Dianne. (She has a newly released book.)

When we get together, we talk about everything under the sun, beyond the stars and inside the deep dark of our belly buttons. I am never the same after one of our navel gazing star-walking chatabouts. She never fails to bring some otherworldly perspective that brings out the very best in me. It is, after all, why they call her Starwalker. Everyone needs a Dianne in her life.

ANYHOO. We were talking about the nature of the universe, possibility, probability and other surface crap like that, when the subject turned to my recent struggles with believing that the universe really had my back.

Being a recovering perfectionist, I drift from time to time into frantically trying to figure out all the hows on the way to my whats. And since my whats had also been unclear, my hows were all catywampus, tangled up and flung like spaghetti all over my map. I guess you might say I had been feeling a bit confused and curbobulated. I get that way sometimes.

She said many interesting things—she always does—but one thing in particular rang the bell of my heart, and it’s still resonating today.

“Kathy, you have been dipping into the great sea of potentiality with a thimble. You gotta get yourself a bigger bucket.”

We sat quietly, gazing at the gigantic water that was flowing past us. It churned and chortled and filled the air with great guffaws as it joyfully surged past us, with nary a care for the huge boulders it so easily made its way around. Lately, I had been slamming head-on into the boulders that came across my path.

I pictured myself sitting on the edge of a well that was big enough to contain the universe, lowering my miniscule thimble, which hung at the end of a very long piece of dental floss. My bucket was tiny and so was I.

“Yep. I gotta get me a bigger bucket.” I echoed.

Sometimes a truth is spoken, and it puts an end to all other words.

Kathy on a bucket.

I’ve been thinking about possibility.

I’ve been thinking about abundance.

I’ve been thinking about all the love there is, and wondering how it is that I get to questioning whether things will go well with me. I wonder why I am prone to trading in my bucket for a thimble.

I only need close my eyes for a few moments, conjure the vast blessings I’ve seen in my lifetime—even the ones that were wrapped in difficult happenings—and the questioning is assuaged. Every time I do this, I check my bucket and lo and behold… it has grown.

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Comments

  1. Cathy Halpin Krider

    October 28, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    Wishing you a giant bucket! Love Cath

    Reply
    • Kathy

      October 28, 2012 at 9:54 pm

      Thanks Cath! So sweet to hear your voice–in my head 🙂 It would be fun to hear it in my ears! Thanks for coming over to visit me. Give Carl a big hug from us, and take one for yourself too! xoxo

      Reply
  2. dianne brown

    November 18, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    You will never have a bucket big enough to contain all the love there is for you….trust me…..I got your back, and I noticed a rather large galaxy with flashing neon lights that alternated between “I love Rock ‘n’ Roll” and “I love Kathy Martens.” Nice–you’re a headliner for sure!

    Starwalker

    Reply
    • Kathy

      November 18, 2012 at 6:04 pm

      Yes, but please, please, if ever you notice my bucket looking once again like a thimble or even a shot glass… I hereby officially give you permission to sing Joan Jett songs to me and remind me that I’m bigger than Elvis. xoxo

      Reply

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Copyright © 2025 · Kathy Martens

Be careful what you pray for. You just might get it.

I lay in the dark. My pounding heart threatens to bash its way through my rib cage. My frantic brain is sending me into a full-fledged panic attack: Eternity with God or a career in film? Eternity with God or fame and wealth? What will I choose? Heaven or Hell? If this goes on much longer, it’s going to crash my hard drive.

“Please God, please.” Hot tears make their way down my cheeks, pool at the base of my throat. “Help me to know if you’re real. Show me if Jesus is the deal and if I’m supposed to follow Him. Please, God . . .”

With the swiftness of a sudden summer breeze, a calming sense of peace washes over me. It descends heavy, from the top of my head, running down my entire body like warm honey. All my poor convulsed muscles relax and melt with it. I weep some more, but this time it feels more akin to joy.

And then, I sleep.

I dream I am a sojourner among a peculiar people who speak in tongues of angels and practice the holy arts of casting out demons and raising the dead. I dream of wheels within wheels, fiery prophets, and a new world order. I wander in this strange Wonderland for what seems a lifetime. One day, I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the glass . . . and I no longer recognize the face gazing back at me.

I wake up, and twenty-two years have passed.

Come, step beyond the looking glass with me and I will show you things. Hilarious and heartbreaking things, bizarre and byzantine things, weird and wonderful things. Like that time I fell down a rabbit hole and spent twenty-two years as a Bible thumping, tongue speaking, Gospel preaching, Born Again Christian. And then I woke up.

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Born Again, Again:

That time I fell down a rabbit hole and spent twenty-two years as a Bible thumping, tongue speaking, Gospel preaching Born Again Christian. And then I woke up.

Born Again, Again Back Cover

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